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Season Three
03.01: The Naked Truth - September 19, 1991 After struggling in New York City and resorting to a meager job as a waitress in a strip club, Helen relents and wishes to go home to Nantucket with Joe, but he does not mention he found a girlfriend after they broke up earlier. Helen reacts to the news by driving her jeep through Joe's office. 03.02: Is That a Subpoena in Your Pocket? - September 26, 1991 Joe sues Helen for what she did to his office. However, not even the courts can change Helen's anger. Antonio Scarpacci joins the cast permanently, now as a cab driver. 03.03: The Taming of the Shrew - October 10, 1991 Helen's anger is getting worse around her friends, and she goes to a group therapy session to deal with her feelings for Joe. 03.04: I Ain't Got No Bunny - October 17, 1991 Lowell becomes paranoid, thinking that his wife Bunny is committing adultery. Lowell soon learns that paranoia does not nullify concern. 03.05: If Elected, I Will Not Live - October 31, 1991 Roy and Joe both run for the position of alderman, but the local paper somehow endorses Fay. Subplot: Helen decides to sell her cello. 03.06: My Brother's Keeper - November 7, 1991 When a rich woman named Mimsy Borogroves comes to the island, she starts dating Brian, turning him into a gigolo. 03.07: Crate Expectations - November 14, 1991 Joe finds out the gang is planning a surprise birthday using a crate delivered to the airport, not knowing they had to re-schedule. 03.08: Ladies Who Lunch - November 21, 1991 Joe doesn't like it when Helen becomes friends with his new girlfriend Gail. In a subplot, Roy tries to sneak aboard Air Force One when President of the United States George H. W. Bush and First Lady of the United States Barbara Bush are visiting Nantucket so he can bolster his political credibility. Fay also tries to sneak aboard so she can shake hands with Barbara Bush in order to keep her streak of touching every President's wife ever since Eleanor Roosevelt gave her a pat on the head when Fay was a little girl. Gail breaks up with Joe and ends her friendship with Helen when she sees the both of them having a messy fight, clearly not over each other but not ready to rekindle their romance. As Joe mopes about no one else having a worse day than him, a news report shows Roy getting arrested for trespassing on Air Force One. 03.09: Try to Remember the Night He Dismembered - December 5, 1991 With the airport fogged in, Brian entertains the gang with his hypnosis act and gets Roy to confess his deepest, darkest secret; that he stole $250,000 from an old man and buried it in his backyard. As everyone excitedly digs up Roy's backyard, Brian wonders how effective his hypnosis was. 03.10: The Late Mrs. Biggins - December 12, 1991 Roy reveals the fact that his late wife is not dead, and that she left him. Brian flies him to Boston to connect with her once more. 03.11: The Bogey Men - December 19, 1991 Roy and Brian trick Joe into coming with them to a timeshare lecture in South Carolina, to which both Brian and Roy assure Joe that they know how to finesse these hucksters and can use it for free golf, but a rain squall dampens their plot. Meanwhile, Antonio plays the only song he knows on guitar, "Michael, Row the Boat Ashore," over and over and over, entertaining airport customers to Helen's annoyance. 03.12: Marriage, Italian Style - January 9, 1992 Antonio's visa is not renewed and his deportment to Italy is imminent. Helen offers to marry Antonio so he can remain in the United States. 03.13: Divorce, American Style - January 16, 1992 Helen learns that she will get arrested for matrimony fraud if she divorces Antonio before three years have elapsed, unless he wins a green card in a lottery. Antonio is ambiguous about whether or not he won, suggesting he has genuine feelings for Helen. 03.14: Stew in a Stew - January 23, 1992 Fay is upset when Joe declines to give her a raise, citing budget cutbacks. But when Joe appears with expensive sheep-lined bomber jackets for him and Brian, Fay is outraged and quits. Joe has to eat several slices of humble pie to convince Fay of their partnership. 03.15: This Old House - January 30, 1992 Joe and Brian's childhood home is due to be demolished after a severe storm condemns it. At first they're upset, but then they can't really recall many happy memories of being there. 03.16: Planes, Trains, and Visiting Cranes - February 13, 1992 Frasier Crane visits the island with his wife Lilith Sturnin, and meets Helen who was burned by one of his seminars. She wants her money back from him even if she has to sit through another of his self-help seminars 03.17: Das Plane - February 20, 1992 Joe announces Sandpiper will give a plane ticket anywhere to whomever makes the biggest donation to charity by a deadline. Local eccentric Carlton Blanchard wins by making an amazing $10,000 donation. The catch is Carlton wants to fly cross country to reunite with his brother, and along the way, annoys everyone on the plane. Furthermore, Carlton has a dull memory, as he cannot recall whether his brother lives in Rock Springs, Wyoming or Las Cruces, New Mexico. 03.18: Take My Life, Please - February 27, 1992 Helen wants a new goal in life and takes an aptitude test. When the results are in, the gang intercepts the letter which reveals her best skills are food service and musician. In order to avoid the forthcoming guilt, anger and depression from her, Joe has her skills changed to lawyer while Fay blindly adds stand-up comedy, which causes Helen to aspire to become a stand-up comedian. 03.19: Four Dates That Will Live in Infamy - April 2, 1992 Joe, Brian, Helen and Lowell try out a video dating service and compare notes to each other's experiences. Brian gets matched up with a pushy trade, Helen gets matched up with a local waiter who conscripts Helen into his work, Joe gets matched up with a ventriloquist who will not talk but her dummy has a crush on Joe, and Lowell gets matched up with an ordinary woman, but his idea of a fun date is to take her on a ride on the forklift. 03.20: The Bank Dick - April 23, 1992 Brian gets a large tax refund and treats himself to an expensive Caribbean vacation. When he learns the refund was in error and the IRS is demanding the money back, he is subject to a tirade from responsible Joe, who advised him to save the refund instead. Brian is made to get a second job as a security guard for a bank to get the money. Meanwhile, Joe plans to take a date to Fenway Park despite the fact that Helen paid for the tickets when they were still dating. 03.21: Say It Ain't So, Joe - April 30, 1992 Joe is reunited with his old baseball coach who touts his new star pitcher who is poised to break Joe's longstanding record at Siasconset High School for the most strikeouts. This causes Joe to feel both anger and jealousy at his age and his station in life. 03.22: As Fate Would Have It - May 7, 1992 The gang accompany Helen to her gig as a cellist for the Boston Symphony Orchestra, but on the way there, the plane's engines die. Category: Seasons Category: Season Three